What does a one night stand have in common with Kulture yard?
A one night stand: that sweet, sometimes sour earthly romp between individuals, with bodies seeking combustion for energy release. Like pistons, really, like pistons, who knew the mechanics of a piston engine could aptly describe how coitus is enacted? Anyway, the pleasures of the moment are all that matter during a one-night stand. You take as much as you can get right now because there shouldn’t be “afters.” Most of the time, afters are sour after the first full course of pleasure. So tell me, why I broke the one-night stand rule in the yard? It was a spectacle right before glaring eyes. They weren’t aware of what they were watching; only my partner and I were aware. We were digging in and and getting pieces of ourselves in public glare, with no one but us in the know. How were we able to pull it off, you ask?
Well, let me start from the very beginning: there I was, seated in the company of my date, having small talk and sharing laughs. The next thing I knew, pleasures were served on a plate. She smelled amazing, really amazing, so of course, I had to oblige and taste her. She tasted just as good as she smelled; it was oral orgasm. By the way, if you haven’t figured out that this sexual affair happened between myself and a plate of seafood coconut rice at Kulture Yard, Ikeja, well, this is me telling you. Anyway, she outdid herself; my taste buds were adequately pleasured, and it didn’t come at a massive cost to my wallet. I mean, so much oral pleasure with so little financial pain, a match made in heaven?
Anyway, I spent the coming days pinning and craving for some pleasure on a plate. I literally had oral blue balls, so I went back for afters. The experience left me a lot less satisfied, I am not sure if it’s that the food tasted less or if it took too long to arrive, or if it was because of the rain maybe it made me less active, oh, it could have been the fact that my attendant messed up my order after taking so long to arrive and took forever to remedy my plate, it probably isn’t any of these things. I am cut from the understanding ilk, on most days I would look past all these things. I think it’s more because I went for afters; I had benchmarked my expected oral pleasures against what I experienced earlier on and it fell short. the friends I had gone with on these day didn’t have as much resentment for the experience. It was their first time, they had no expectations, that’s what makes one night stands great, no expectations. Once you go in for afters, expectations sour the entire plate. It’s Russian roulette really, you either get disappointed when your expectations aren’t met, or you get hooked when it’s met. I wanted to bite on Kulture Yard’s hook so bad, but I was let down; now I look at that hook with a level of disappointment and distrust… do I give it another go?
